Tuesday, November 21, 2006
I often wonder, would anyone ever notice any difference in their lives if I were to go missing???
If I were to stop updating this site, maybe no one would call me and ask what have I been doing.
If I were to ignore all the SMSes I receive or messages from MSN, what reaction would I get from these people who actually bothered to find out about what was I doing? Not saying that I actually get any SMSes or MSN messages. LOL.
I wonder what differences I can actually make in other people's lives.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
People always ask me why I had signed on with the army. I mean, it's obvious isn't it? It's because of money lah! In the first place, if I don't want the money, to be honest I would be one of those who "serve and fuck off'. At that point of time, I don't wish to take money from my parents anymore. I want to learn to be that LITTLE BIT independent. To spend what I have. I even planned to further my studies, to save and to live alone. Not because I want to get out of the family but just because I don't want my parents to have anything else to worry about me but my sister of mine.
To be honest, I really don't know what would become of my family in future. There is something that I wish I could say, but I can't. Not at the moment. Anyway, it was all because of money. And I guess money was the seed of all troubles.
Perhaps I shouldn't be talking about money to this 'band of brothers' too often. But I guess this issue ended everything lah. Just had a quarrel with them. Nevermind. I was just a friend to them in the first place anyway. Maybe I was in the wrong in the first place lah. Oh well. Time to really get on with my own life.
I was still thinking why would I want to further my studies. Would this really make my life in future a better one? In the first place, I had wanted to further my studies because I wanted to make my parents proud. I actually want to be one of those in the family who has a degree, JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE. Kind of stupid, no?
But does getting a degree ensure that I would be able to provide a better life for me, my loved ones, and eventually my own family? NO. Because it eventually comes down to whether YOU WANT THINGS TO HAPPEN THIS WAY OR NOT. I'm sure that even without a degree, if I work hard, I would make it. I would be able to provide a good life for me, my loved ones and eventually my own family. IF...
I really don't know. Some people asked me before. "Do you study for the sake of studying, of do you study because you really want to?" I was speechless. Part of it was because I want to study, but then again, I guess in Singapore, one who's without a degree perhaps might find it more difficult to look for jobs in future. PERHAPS. So I guess part of it was because of the sake of studying.
AH~ Then again, it comes to money! Tell me, are you able to further your studies without a cent? Lol. So one have to save an amount, in order to further studies, no? To be honest, I would LOVE to be out there partying with my peers every weekend, as I wouldn't want to miss out any fun happening with people around my age. Trust me. I really wish I had the ability to be out there partying every weekend, without any worries about MONEY. I really think I can't be doing this.
I don't really care what people might be saying of me right now. It's their mouths. They can even talk about fucking my mother for all I care. Because that is all they can say. And if that is what that makes them happy, so be it. I'm sure they know how it feels when other people are saying such things in their faces.
"HEY! WHY DON'T YOU ASK HOW YOUR MUM FELT LAST NIGHT? I'M SURE SHE FELT HEAVENLY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Trust me. No one feels good about people talking bad about their mothers. NO ONE.
Or even the people that one loves.
I do think I was in the wrong, for bringing up the issue up too often these days. But I don't know if it's the same if someone else were in my position. Or maybe, each to his own. Everyone has a different set of thinking.
And please, just fuck me. Just fuck me alone. Not my mother. Not the people I love. I'm so up to be fucked by all of you. So be a man, and settle things against me. JUST ME.
AND READ THIS. YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. BECAUSE I DON'T SAY. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SAY.
AND IF THINGS ARE EASIER, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPIER...
YAH. I'M SO MONEY-FACED. SO SO SO SO SOOOOO MONEY-FACED. WE SHALL SEE HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT ME FROM ALL THESE MONTHS WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER. UNLIKE YOU BROTHERS WHO HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS. I WAS SO ODD ONE OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE. SO SO ODD ONE OUT.
NOW LEAVE ME ALONE. ALL OF YOU.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Ok. Did went to party on Halloween. Met the usual brothers and headed to WhiteHouse KTV pub to drink for awhile. Was surprised as no one else other then the waitresses were in Halloween costumes. The waitresses there were in belly dancers' costumes. Lol! With bloody makeup and stuff lor. Had Ann to do that kind of makeup on me. I looked...quite pretty with the eyeliner on I guess. Haha! Cos one of the waitresses were saying I had pretty eyes as Ann drew the eyeliner on my eyes. Too bad we didn't take any photos. *Sad*
The pub had this ghost doll in the washroom, with hair over the face and bloody hands sticking out. Quite scary. I was looking at it as I was relieving myself but as I turned to was my hands, I think I got even more freaked out by the makeup on my face. Especially with the green lights in the washroom. Like...what the fuck? Lol.
Didn't drink much in WhiteHouse. Headed down to Zouk for the Halloween party. Vamps and ghosts and nurses everywhere. But none was as scary as someone I passed by the bar counter. She, I think should be a 'she' was standing at the bar counter and as I passed by her, she stick her hand out and touched my chin as if examining the 'blood' on my face. Honestly I did get freaked out. Haha.
After partying, we went to Newton to eat. Stayed there till day break, and took a cab home. Bumped into my father as he was going for his morning run and he REALLY got freaked out. I explained and he said, "好心你啦!!!" Lol. Shall party even harder for next year's Halloween! And take photos! Muahaha.
