Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I was having one of those chats with my mum yesterday afternoon. Nothing special until she told me she wanted to apply for a one room flat. Told me that my father agreed.
I kept quiet for awhile. Was thinking of what happened in my house on Sunday afternoon. My uncle came over and had a talk with my parents. Complaining how his daughter-in-law was treating him and his wife. One of those stories whereby you'll hear how the daughter-in-law can't get along with her parents-in-law.
This uncle of mine used to have a flat in block 125 near my place. Years ago he and his wife moved over to his son's place, and rented out the one in 125. I think recently he sold the flat in 125, and now is thinking of applying another, after all the incidents between the 2 old couple and their daughter-in-law. And so he came over and complained. I didn't really listen to the whole converstaion though. Was waken up by them.
As I was saying, my mum was thinking of moving out. Probably some time in future. Anyway, we had a talk about this last year. The fact is that my parents are actually divorced years ago. I only got to know this when my mum told me last year. They had kept this secret from everyone else, for the sake of me and my sister. And since I'm old enough, she told me. I can still remember some of the words she said at that point of time...
Mum:" Don't you think the relationship between me and your father is kind of weird?"
I stopped for awhile before answering," I guess somethings are better left unsaid or unasked."
I then asked her when is she going to tell my sister. She told me when she's old enough, she will tell her the truth.
Back to yesterday's converstation. She told me she has spoken to my sister about the fact that our parents were divorced. I think. My sister is sensible enough I guess. Mum then continued saying that one day, I'll get married and she would want me and get a flat and start a family myself. As for my sister, her future husband will take care of her, no? My father will sell this current flat and get a smaller one, and my mum will be living on her own too.
Actually, she was just telling me the reason why she and my father wouldn't want to live with us in future. Afraid of what that has happened to my uncle. It's easy to get along with each other if we only see them once in a while. It's hard to LIVE together. That what she was trying to get through to me. I understand what she meant. She has told me before that one day in future, I'll just have to get a flat and live with my own family. That's what my mum wants. That's what my father wants too. I don't blame them. I don't blame them for divorcing one another. I don't blame them for keeping this from me for all these year. I wouldn't blame them if they wouldn't want to live with me in future.
I thank them. For keeping the secret for all these years, for the sake of me and my sister. It's been hard for them. Imagine 2 person living with together, even when they have no love for one another. Unconditional love for their children?
I actually feel like crying while typing this entry. Somehow, I couldn't. The last time I cried was the night before the O levels' A'Math paper. I was practising and couldn't solve any of them. I went to my mother in the middle of the night and ask her if I can miss the paper the next day. I told her I didn't want to disappoint her by doing that. She told me it's fine to miss the paper. I broke down...
"It's not just about a paper when it comes to life. What's important is that you grow up to be a good man. It's just a paper. If you can't do it, don't force yourself. Mum's not going to blame you."
I think all parents would want their children to grow up a good person, not just a scholar in whatever stage of your education. Learning doesn't stop. Be a scholar in life, not just with books.
Haiyo... Just can't imagine what will become of me when the day comes. But I'll be strong and live life as it comes. Just like I've always been, no?
