Sunday, November 12, 2006
People always ask me why I had signed on with the army. I mean, it's obvious isn't it? It's because of money lah! In the first place, if I don't want the money, to be honest I would be one of those who "serve and fuck off'. At that point of time, I don't wish to take money from my parents anymore. I want to learn to be that LITTLE BIT independent. To spend what I have. I even planned to further my studies, to save and to live alone. Not because I want to get out of the family but just because I don't want my parents to have anything else to worry about me but my sister of mine.
To be honest, I really don't know what would become of my family in future. There is something that I wish I could say, but I can't. Not at the moment. Anyway, it was all because of money. And I guess money was the seed of all troubles.
Perhaps I shouldn't be talking about money to this 'band of brothers' too often. But I guess this issue ended everything lah. Just had a quarrel with them. Nevermind. I was just a friend to them in the first place anyway. Maybe I was in the wrong in the first place lah. Oh well. Time to really get on with my own life.
I was still thinking why would I want to further my studies. Would this really make my life in future a better one? In the first place, I had wanted to further my studies because I wanted to make my parents proud. I actually want to be one of those in the family who has a degree, JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE. Kind of stupid, no?
But does getting a degree ensure that I would be able to provide a better life for me, my loved ones, and eventually my own family? NO. Because it eventually comes down to whether YOU WANT THINGS TO HAPPEN THIS WAY OR NOT. I'm sure that even without a degree, if I work hard, I would make it. I would be able to provide a good life for me, my loved ones and eventually my own family. IF...
I really don't know. Some people asked me before. "Do you study for the sake of studying, of do you study because you really want to?" I was speechless. Part of it was because I want to study, but then again, I guess in Singapore, one who's without a degree perhaps might find it more difficult to look for jobs in future. PERHAPS. So I guess part of it was because of the sake of studying.
AH~ Then again, it comes to money! Tell me, are you able to further your studies without a cent? Lol. So one have to save an amount, in order to further studies, no? To be honest, I would LOVE to be out there partying with my peers every weekend, as I wouldn't want to miss out any fun happening with people around my age. Trust me. I really wish I had the ability to be out there partying every weekend, without any worries about MONEY. I really think I can't be doing this.
I don't really care what people might be saying of me right now. It's their mouths. They can even talk about fucking my mother for all I care. Because that is all they can say. And if that is what that makes them happy, so be it. I'm sure they know how it feels when other people are saying such things in their faces.
"HEY! WHY DON'T YOU ASK HOW YOUR MUM FELT LAST NIGHT? I'M SURE SHE FELT HEAVENLY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Trust me. No one feels good about people talking bad about their mothers. NO ONE.
Or even the people that one loves.
I do think I was in the wrong, for bringing up the issue up too often these days. But I don't know if it's the same if someone else were in my position. Or maybe, each to his own. Everyone has a different set of thinking.
And please, just fuck me. Just fuck me alone. Not my mother. Not the people I love. I'm so up to be fucked by all of you. So be a man, and settle things against me. JUST ME.
AND READ THIS. YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. BECAUSE I DON'T SAY. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SAY.
AND IF THINGS ARE EASIER, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPIER...
YAH. I'M SO MONEY-FACED. SO SO SO SO SOOOOO MONEY-FACED. WE SHALL SEE HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT ME FROM ALL THESE MONTHS WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER. UNLIKE YOU BROTHERS WHO HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS. I WAS SO ODD ONE OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE. SO SO ODD ONE OUT.
NOW LEAVE ME ALONE. ALL OF YOU.
